Wednesday, November 30, 2011

giving the hormones a voice

It's 7:45 on a Wednesday night.  
My mom left today and I have to say that I really miss her -- a lot. 
She did so much for us.  Cooking and cleaning and answering all my questions.  Getting up with Madeline and getting her to sleep for 6 hours straight on two different occasions! {woot woot}
It was really fun to have my mom to myself {my family}.  Being the oldest of 9 kids you don't have a lot of one-on-one time with parents, and it was really fun to have her for a few days.

Between my emotions exaggerated finally making an entrance the past couple days, my mom leaving, and Jeremy leaving for work {leaving me just me and Madeline home} it's turned out to be a fairly teary night.  And Jeremy only left at 7:30.... It's going to be a long night.  Its kind of one of those nights I just really want to be held by Jeremy and forget about all the worries of the world.

Is it normal to worry about your baby?  I cried myself to sleep last night worrying that she's going to get sick, or I won't notice if she needs something.  I constantly have this fear that I'm going to wake up and she'll be gone. That this will all have been a magical dream. It's hard to explain a mother's love for her child. Different than any other kind of love I've experienced.  I'd do anything for her. 

Part of me hopes she'll stay like this forever.  She's so small, perfect, and beautiful.  The other part of me can't wait to see who she becomes.  She changes every day and it's exciting to anticipate what tomorrow holds in store.  What we'll learn about her that day. 

Well, compliments of one of my favorite Christmas movies, Home Alone, on ABC Family tonight, some ice cream and cuddling with this beautiful and entertaining little girl, I think I'll make it through the night.

"See ya later!"


  1. Cute!

    Oh, so normal. Everything is oh. so. normal!! There are still worries for Nathan over a year later, but they're not quite teary. Sometimes they're very worrisome, but not teary.

    Like today, Nathan had blood work done, taken right from his little arm, to test his iron and lead levels. I am so worried they will find lead, as if he's been exposed to some lead toy or paint or something! He totally hasn't! And the iron...what if I'm a bad mom for not feeding him enough iron-rich food?

    That's just an example :o)

    Make sure you're getting enough rest! That is totally key, according to everything I've ever read. Think about all her positives. Journal about all the positives you can think of! Clean something (small and manageable) to make you feel productive.

    Call or text me anytime! I so want to be there for you after your mom leaves, but we're too far away...I'm going to facebook msg you my number :o)

  2. Totally know how you feel. I felt like I was more emotional after the birth. And it makes sense too- complete life change, sheer exhaustion, recovery, and doing something SO important and yet having no idea what you're doing. We spent a lot of time nursing, rocking, and watching him sleep, and I felt like I didn't have use of my own arms anymore. And it was hard. The Best Thing Ever, but so hard. And then he started to smile. And then he laughed. And now he plays and laughs with his toys on the floor while I get a few things done around the house. You're a great mom and Madeline is a lucky girl. She's beautiful and perfect. And she'll still be there every time you wake up, and if she's like my baby, she'll make sure that it's often :)


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