Sunday, October 30, 2011

Rambling to Madeline

Dear Madeline,

I can't believe I'm already 36 weeks pregnant with you! Seems like just yesterday I thought November would never get here - and now here we are in the final days of October.  I have so many thoughts about you and life right now.  I thought I'd jot them down so I always remember them.

First of all, it amazes me how much toll your little teeny tiny existence takes on my body! I'm exhausted and out of breath and huge and I have been having pain and discomfort and swelling and on and on and on.  But YOU are worth it! Sometimes when I'm falling asleep I say your name over and over again in my head.  Its kind of magical {cheesy}.  I love that you're mine, and that you always will be.  Your nursery is almost all set up.  We finally got crib sheets and your cousin Katelyn out grew a bunch of clothes so she shared them with you! Hurray for hand-me-downs!

I have to confess that I'm having a hard time imaging my new life with you.  I know that life will never be the same, and I'm excited for that, but I just don't know how to picture it.  I can't fathom exchanging a clock for your stomach and feeding you every two hours.  Not that I'm not excited or regretting having you! Don't get the wrong idea! I just, I've never done anything like this.  And I don't know what to expect.  Well I kind of do, but not really.  How do you prepare to go through a life changing experience? You don't. And yet its funny, because after you come I'll probably have a hard time remembering what life was like before you.  Isn't life wonderful? I love it. And I hope you love it too.

Lately you've been doing this really cruel thing to me where you stretch out as much as you can - its not fun.  You stick your bum out and your feet in my ribs and you nuzzle your head down as low as possible.  I'm convinced you try to make me look like an idiot, sprawling myself everywhere to give you stretching room.  I've been feeling you kick for a few months now, and I think one of the things I'm most excited for is watching you kick.  More than just feeling it. But actually witnessing you kick and move your arms every which way.  I can't wait to lay you on the bed between me and daddy and just look at you.  What do you look like? That's the other thing I can't wait to find out.  Like do you have hair? Or are you going to have a big round bald head like me? I want so badly to meet you and know you and hold you in my arms.  You know, technically, at the end of this week you will be considered full term :) Part of me wants you to come right now, and the other part says its fine if you come when you're supposed to.  I just have so many feelings and emotions and its wonderful and crazy all at the same time.  One thing I know, though, is that you are my little girl.  And I love you so much.  I can't wait to meet you, but for now I'll settle with putting up with your side effects haha.

Love always,


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