It was late.
I was tired.
And yet my restless mind resisted.
In the past three days we've learned of two separate incidents that resulted in nine murders. I'm not naive enough to think that things like this don't happen. But in my life they don't happen to people I have a connection to.
My heart is aching.
It feels as though the end is coming faster and faster. Wars and rumors of wars, all manner of natural disasters... There is no denying the prophets have foretold these days for centuries. I've known it was coming. I was taught from an early age to prepare to live in these days. It's never frightened me because I know I'm on the right side. I know that HE will win.
The struggle I've found is... Nobody told me how my heart would change as a parent. I didn't anticipate the fear and anxiety for what might happen to my children.
My mind has been racing from one idea to the next, seeking a solution to the questions that plague my thoughts. How do we protect our family? How do we raise them in the world but keep them safe from it? Will we be able to lead them to righteousness? Will they make choices that will bring them the joy we want them to have? What if someday our names are in news headlines? What if they don't choose right? What if......?
The answer is, as Jeremy reminded me, "We do our best". We turn to the Lord and we do our best. And when our best isn't good enough we fall at the feet of our Savior and He will lift us up. He will carry our burdens and we will keep going. One foot at a time. One day at a time.
In the grand scheme of things this life is but a moment... a beautiful life and a life worth living.