thoughts

Last night came across a blog that is authored by a woman who is a very talented photographer and mother of four boys.  At first I was simply in awe at her beautiful talent.  I'd love to take pictures like her one day. But as I continued to explore her website and read more about her, I came to understand that her youngest son had passed away at a very young age after contracting Pertussis, more commonly known as whopping cough. As I read her personal account of their loss and the way their family has worked through this crucible tears streamed down my face.  I can't imagine what it's like to lose a child.  

When I was in my early teens my aunt gave birth to a little boy who didn't live longer than a couple of hours.  He had developed a condition before he was born that caused his brain to develop outside of his skull.  They knew he wouldn't live long; and yet she still carried him through the duration of pregnancy, gave birth to him and said goodbye.  I remember quite vividly the night he passed away.  I remember my mom explaining to me all that had happened.  As I laid in bed that night my sobs were uncontrollable. I prayed to God pleading for Him to comfort my aunt and uncle as they began a journey that would change their lives forever.  Being a mother myself now it's even harder for me to put myself in their shoes.  I can't imagine not being able to hold Madeline in my arms.  To have my body ache for hers but not be able to see her, hold her, watch her grow and learn. 

While I hope I never have to experience something like this, I'm grateful for The Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I am so eternally grateful for the Plan of Salvation.  I know that both of these mothers will see their children again.  Sometimes its hard not to live in the fear that one day I might lose my favorite little girl.  And while I have no intention of taking any time with her for granted, I'm trying not to focus on what might happen and just enjoy living life to it's fullest with my two favorite people.