9 months old

^^A big thanks to Dad for helping out ;) ^^

 

^^He adore's his sister :) ^^

This handsome fella is 9 months old today.  He's just the sweetest guy. You can't resist smiling when he comes bounding around the corner and greets you with a wave. He's into everything. Knows how to open kitchen cabinets and drawers, loves destroying his sister's block towers and eating her crayons, but he's just so sweet you can't ever be mad. He's also proving to be taking after his mother in the climbing department (although he didn't beat my record of walking before nine months ;) ). We find him perched on the arms of the couches, climbing out of his high chair (the straps are too small for him! Didn't have that problem with Madeline...), scaling the rocking chair and getting himself onto Madeline's bed. He carries the block you see pictured almost everywhere he goes, even to bed. He crawls with it and it sounds like he has a peg leg/arm(?). His big blue eyes get comments everywhere we go, he's still the biggest flirt and he often out eats Madeline and I. He can eat a whole banana in about a minute. Not cut up or anything. Those six teeth of his know how to chomp! Looking forward to hearing how much he weighs at his doctor's appointment next week :) Luke bud we love you!!!!!!!!

"mommy, I love you too"

Madeline and I each have a caption for this photo. I'll go first - The kids were up ALL night. At least one of them was awake every two hours, both of them a couple times. I realize people have kids who don't sleep well, but ours have always been pretty great and I didn't handle this rare occurrence very well. I was kind of a mess this morning... and decided I deserved a nap, so when Luke laid down for his morning nap, I provided Madeline with a plethora of entertainment. Of course she interrupted me every five minutes. GAH!!!!! Cue me losing it, raising my voice and immediately feeling bad about it.... Before I had a chance to apologize, her two little arms encircled my neck and the sweetest little voice whispered,"mommy, I love you too..." She wasn't trying to make me feel guilty, she just wanted to let me know she loves me. How have I been so blessed!?

Madeline's response after looking at this picture was,"Oh, I think there's a bug in my nose." Kind of looks like it ;) 

on a rainy day in may

As much as I love cool, rainy days, they aren't really a friend to mothers of young children. By nine o'clock you start counting down the minutes to quiet time and another countdown begins for when daddy gets home. 

I might as well confess, for those of you who don't already know, I'm a bit of a chocoholic. And basically, the only thing worse than a long, rainy day stuck inside... is a long, rainy day stuck inside with no chocolate in the house.   

My thought process went something like this:

WHY IS THERE NO CHOCOLATE IN THIS HOUSE!??!

Oh wait.... don't we have a few cubes of melting chocolate left over from Christmas on a top shelf somewhere in the kitchen? WE DO!!!!!! 

*dance party*

But what would I do with it? Eat it straight? I'm not quite that desperate... Do we have any pretzels?

No... dang it. 

Graham crackers? 

*sigh* 

Wheat thins don't seem like they'd do the trick... 

Animal crackers? 

WE HAVE ANIMAL CRACKERS!!!

Believe it or not, Madeline was totally game with dipping her favorite snack in chocolate.  

We sorted the broken crackers from the whole ones, talked about the different animals and had a really great hour just being together.

Most importantly, we both made it to quiet time and neither of us threw a tantrum :)

two things I hope I never forget...

First, this beautiful little girl who spent most of spring in a Christmas dress. Black velvet bodice, big poofy skirt. The works. I don't know how because it's getting HOT. But every day without  fail she requests it and wears it even when her hair is dripping with sweat. Such a girl :)

Second, watching the relationship of this brother and sister develop. In particular I'd like to remember that right before I took these pictures Madeline asked if,"Please mommy, can you leave so we can play?"

I'd probably be offended if it wasn't the sweetest thing to watch from around the corner.

It's amazing how long the days can seem and then little things like this happen and it seems to melt mostly away. Luke will be five months old tomorrow and I can hardly believe it. The days are long but the years sure are short.  Long, exhausting days, sometimes I-think-I'll-explode-days, but I wouldn't change it for a thing.

this boy

Master Luke is four and a half months old already. HOW IS IT HAPPENING SO QUICKLY!? Wasn't he this squishy baby yesterday? These photos are actually from about a month ago when he was starting to get the hang of tummy time. Now he's rolling around, starting solid foods and weighs a whopping 16 pounds!

At his four month checkup this week, Luke couldn't stop grinning at our dear old doctor. This doctor of ours is pretty much a dinosaur, but Luke sure loves him.  Cold stethoscope and all, he was smiling away. Of course when the needles came out that smile left his face, but it was pretty cute up until then.

This boy is a true delight to be around. It's never hard to get a grin from his soft chubby cheeks and his happy personality often makes others smile, too. I never tire of looking into his round, blue eyes. It's easy to see he already has a love for life and I look forward to seeing the great things he does in his time.

This boy loves his sister. You'll often find him scanning the room trying to figure out what where she is and what she's up to.  It'll be fun to see them play more and more, especially when he has a little more choice in what they do. For example I walked into the room today to find Madeline riding on his back exclaiming,"Go Luke, go!"

This boy loves his daddy, too. He's got a nervous smile reserved just for him. I'm pretty sure he can't decide if he should be excited or scared whenever he see's daddy's face coming in close... probably depends on how recently his daddy shaved. (Confession: we all brace for daddy's scruffy kisses, it's not just Luke :) )

But I think if I'm being perfectly honest, I'd have to let you know that this boy has an extra special spot for his mama. Probably has something to do with the fact that I'm the one who feeds him all the time, but I like to think he's becoming a little bit of a mama's boy because of it. Just a little, ya know ;)  I love the stare-offs we have while he's nursing. And how sometimes he can be a little flirt, and then gets bashful. Oh this boy has my heart.

Luke we sure love you. Thanks for being in our family :)

my heart sings

...and I love them...

bedtime

Evening... Bedtime... It can be stressful, am I right? We're all tired, sometimes hungry, depending on how on top of it I was that day with dinner. It's usually not a family's shining moment in the day. Or maybe that's just us...? But I have a sneaking suspicion we're not alone here ;)

Lately we've been trying to make an extra effort to enjoy the bedtime routine with the kids. Rather than stressing and dragging our feet about one more thing before peace and quiet, we're looking at it as forty-five minutes we get to spend together as a family. Forty-five minutes where we have a chance to reset and go to bed good again. It doesn't matter how much tension filled the house during the dinner hour, or how many tears were shed (by kids or parents...), life can go back to happy again. 

We recently started bathing both kids together and it has been really fun. It's a special thing to watch the relationship between your kids grow. I love that they're becoming fast friends. Luke is quite the little fish, kicking and splashing to no end. And he manages to throw a lot of water around! Poor miss Madeline is a little more of a wuss when it comes to splashing. When Luke calms down she gets right in his face and says,"Stop. Stop it Luke." I'd show you a video, because it's the cutest thing you ever did see, but Luke hasn't learned about keeping it modest yet... so anyways....

Also, I'd highly recommend this Book of Mormon reader put out by the church. We wondered if it'd be too advanced for M, but she's loving it. Makes family scriptures less of a chore when she's excited about it! 

Grateful for this little family of mine and for the realization that bedtime doesn't have to be stress-time. 

on stages and phases and the cute things little miss is saying these days

Parenthood is kind of funny, in that as soon as you think you've figured things out, something else hits; growth-spurt, teething, sickness, vacation, daylight savings, etc. (So really funny was a poor word choice, but twisted feels too... ominous...?) Just one of those things throws off everything and it feels like normal, whatever that means, will never return again. But it does, just in time for something else to arrive and turn your world inside out and upside down. It's not just sleep schedules that make parenthood a roller-coaster, there are phases and stages galore. Good stages and bad stages. Biting, screaming, hitting... you get the idea. But it's all just stages. Ask any parent, well any parent who isn't currently living life in a less than desirable stage, and they'll assure you, nothing lasts forever. It's hard to believe when you're sleep deprived or there are teeth marks in your shoulder, but before you know it that phase is just a memory.

I hate to admit it, but we've been fooled again. We were blissfully enjoying our angelic pre-terrible-two-year-old, assuming life would remain in this state of happiness forever. Let's just say we were a little premature in our sigh of relief that little miss wasn't going to come close to the terrors we've been dreading. She sure had us fooled. 

But really, it's our own fault. Who thinks a child who is twenty-eight months reserves the right to never test the boundaries a little? Never explore the limits of her curiosity? Which are all good things when you step back from the make-up covered bathroom and resistant bedtime routine. All things she needs to learn; things she can't learn from a book. And isn't that what we're all doing? Learning, growing and trying not to make the same mistakes twice. It just feels more frustrating when you're dealing with someone three feet tall who's embracing her independence for the first time ;) I try to remind myself that we're all happier when we step back and let her learn, grow, explore and exercise her independence. It may take a little longer, but avoiding a tantrum is worth it. Safety first, of course.

All that being said, she still is truly a wonderful girl. And she's been reminding us of that with all the cute things she's been saying this past month.  So have yourself a chocolate chip cookie (that's what I'm enjoying - told you I can't get enough of them!) and read all about what little miss has to say:

- While jumping on the couch cushions she'd arranged across the floor, "Want to jump with me? Come here Luke!"

- Noticing my the freckles on my arms, she inquired,"Why you have sprinkles on your arms?" I explained that they were "freckles" and showed her that there were more on my face. She responded,"Silly mommy! Sprinkles on your face!!!"

- Any time Luke is crying more than a little, "OH MY GOODNESS LUKE!"

- During a family home evening lesson on President Monson,"That's our prophet, he has EARS!" (Which is funny because he's kind of known for his ears ;)

- As soon as Jeremy walks in the door from school she often asks,"How was your test, Jer?" We've decided Jeremy has too many tests.

- In the above picture she had just said,"Please can Luke come in my tent mommy? And please can I have a blanket? And please can I have three books? And please can Luke have his squeaky giraffe? ....thank you mommy." And my heart melts...

- While getting dressed for church one Sunday morning she invited me to come to nursery with her. I explained that while she goes to nursery I go to Sunday school. And ever since she's made it very clear that she doesn't want to go to Sunday school, she wants to go to nursery. "You go to Sunday school mommy, I go to nursery." Sounds like a good plan, Madeline. Why didn't I think of that?

- Trying to throw something away but the trash wasn't in it's typical spot under the sink. She turned around, found it, chuckled a little and exclaimed,"What the heck!?"

- Again jumping on the couches, we over heard her say," Silly Madeline... jumping on the couches... hahaha"

- Jeremy asked her to close the fridge after she'd gotten her milk out and she said,"What? What you talk about...?"

- Asking me something about a "wama" one morning. I had NO idea what she was talking about until she said, with all the sass you can imagine coming from one little girl,"His name is KUZCO!" (as in she wanted to watch the llama in 'The Emperor's New Groove')

- One day every time something good happened she'd say,"Mommy that's TASTIC!" (fantastic)

- Pressing a silk flower to her nose, "Smells like something's burning..."

- I asked her if she wanted to help me scoop some cookies, to which she of course responded, "YES!"  I asked her to get our little cookie scoop out. She didn't see it in the drawer right away but did notice the ice cream scoop, did her little chuckle and while holding it above her head said,"Oooooh.... that's a good idea..."

- She was getting frustrated that her crayons kept rolling towards her, but they were on a slanted surface so I explained that gravity made them fall. "Well shoot..." she said.

- Any time Jeremy is kissing or tickling me, she runs over says says,"Stop doing mommy! Jer stop!!!!"

- Jeremy was with the kids in the living room but he was on his computer and not paying very close attention. Luke was laying on the couch and Madeline had been doing something else. Jeremy looked up when he heard Madeline saying,"This just isn't working!" She had Luke laying across both arms and she was holding him above the couch (thank goodness). "This just isn't working!" And we're glad it wasn't working!

- And lastly, my favorite from our little collection. During the middle of my family home evening lesson she pointed to my cheek and shouted,"THERE'S A LADYBUG ON YOUR FACE!!!" Not the most clever way of getting out of family night, but boy do kids start young. Can't wait til she's a teenager ;)

I'll never get tired of saying it, so you'll never be done reading it: I love you Miss Madeline! I love you even on the days you drive me crazy. Because at the end of the day, nothing can ruin the love I feel for you when I hear the sweet sound of your laughter or watch a smile cross your face. And if that wasn't cheesy I don't know what is. Happy Monday.

I have this dream...

Or maybe it's more of a wish? No lets stick with dream, it feels more romantic, which is most definitely the feeling I am trying to convey. And in this dream, I get a full night of sleep. I wake up when I'm rested and when the soft light of morning wakes me. Not when the baby wakes up hungry or when I hear "let it go, let it go!" being sung from the baby monitor (which is terribly cute, I must admit, but this is my dream remember?).  In this dream, rather than change two diapers and get everyone fed as soon as I'm woken up, I go for a run in our overly safe neighborhood that does not require me to stop and look for cars at every block. After my run I come home to a still and quiet house, help myself to a bowl of cereal and eat at my own leisurely pace. Not having to scarf it down before being asked to share by Madeline or having to run and help her with something. 

I shower in this dream without hearing a crying baby, or is that my imagination? I'm not on parade in my birthday suit for my two year old who keeps opening the shower curtain, leaving me freezing. I take a long, hot shower. Did I mention hot water is endless in this dream?  I blow dry my hair without having to stop Madeline from unwinding all the floss and filling her potty with hair bows. 

I'm not tied to a schedule of nursing, naps, snacks and diaper changes in this dream. I spend my day listening to my pandora station and working on things that fill my soul. I blog, I take pictures, I sew, I garden (haven't actually done this one, but it sounds nice in my head...), I paint, I create. I lay in a hammock and listen to the wind blow through the trees. I don't have to rush to get supplies out as soon as the kids are down for naps, then hurry and put stuff away a short forty minutes later. Time is no issue. It's just me and the stillness. The highlight of my day is completing a project, not that my two year old pooped in the toilet. There is no endless scattering of dishes, toys and books. I don't have to pick up the living room ten times in the course of the day. There is no traumatic five o'clock hour, no rushing to get dinner ready, no whiny children and no hungry husband. No cutting everything into bite size pieces only to have them be rejected. Nothing stopping me from eating a hot meal in peace.

I go to bed when I'm ready, feeling rested and satisfied. I don't stay up late finishing the things I couldn't get done during the day. My cup is full and I feel whole again. 

I get another full night of sleep, and wake up to... my family. My beautiful, wonderful, busy, sometimes chaotic, very needy but oh so perfect family. And I am happy. Happy they are there again. Glad they're my forever. Grateful that they need me. Because by golly I need them too.

Someday I'll have a day like that, probably more than I'll want. Someday I'll miss the tiny feet tip toeing into my room because "shhh... kiet (quiet), Wuke (Luke) is sleeping" only to have her forget a minute later exclaiming that the iPod isn't working. Someday I'll long for this precious stage of life filled with ups and downs and more love I ever knew was possible. This truly is a great life I have. But I wouldn't mind just a day to myself  :)

being a mom is hard

Today I'm feeling grateful that a day is only twenty-four hours, and also that close to half of that time one of my kids is asleep...er... in her room for the night...

...because being a mom is hard. There I said it. It's hard. Not so much that I have any regrets about my choice to be a mom, not even the timing of it all, please don't get me wrong. I am very happy with this stage of life and where I am right now. Often we have days where I love every minute with my kids and I miss them while they sleep at night. But needless to say, today is not one of those days. 

I feel like often I do all in my power to give the impression to myself, as well as others, that I have it all together. That every day is blissful and my children just play nicely, smile for yet another picture I can post to instagram and life is really quite perfect. Which I guess *cough*cough* isn't particularly true...

But on the flip side of all of that, I also feel like the moment I give in to complaining and focusing on how hard daily life can be, I'll be sucked into a vortex of negative chaos that will never let up. 

I don't really know where all this is going, other than to share that it's on my mind, and I hope you don't think I'm perfect or anything. (And you're all like,"I don't know where you got the idea anyone thinks you're perfect... We all know you're a hot mess..."  haha... yeah..) 

But really, how does one find the balance between being vulnerable and honest about when times are hard, and pushing through, focused on the good times. I'll admit, it brings me a lot of happiness to scroll through pictures on my phone and remember all the happy times with my family. I like reading through old blog posts and putting myself back in that moment. Maybe that makes me a total snob? But hey, it makes me happy and I don't plan on changing. 

So if I do try to give the impression that I have a beautiful life that usually runs pretty smoothly, if I do focus on capturing the great moments rather than the hot-mess moments, if not quite pretending, but almost, I have it all together more often than not make me a dishonest person?  And is it shallow that I'm happier when I'm showered, well dressed and feeling accomplished? I realize that my worth is inherent, but does it mean I have poor self-worth if I like myself better when I am acting put together? That's just like "faking it til I make it", right? I'm really just acting the way I want to feel and there's nothing wrong with that... right? But am I really faking it? Because I do feel like on a scale from one to ten I'd give myself like a nine and a half. Not because I'm perfect and my life is perfect, but that I truly do find beauty in my life, with where we are as family right now. I'm happy. I love my life. Crappy car, undecorated walls, floral couches, lumpy bed and all. (Not that I wouldn't change every single one of those things if we could afford it ;) 

Well, I don't really know that we got anywhere with all that rambling, but I do feel better. Thank you blog for being a place to let my thoughts run wild and allowing me to be vulnerable, even if all I'm doing is admitting to the world that my mind needs two maps, a GPS, a compass and a whistle to follow. Just ask Jeremy, he knows :)

goodnight my little princess

The other night as I was tucking Madeline in she was being silly and 'roaring' while I sang her a song. After I'd finished I said, "Goodnight my little lion." Just playing along with her game and being silly. I got up to leave and turn off the light when all of a sudden she burst into tears, which isn't her usual behavior. She was mumbling something about the light, I thought, so I explained that the light had to be off so she could go to sleep. I went out and closed the door. Her tears turned into screaming and it was pretty obvious to me something else was going on. I listened by the door for a minute, trying to make out what she was saying. When I finally figured it out I had to fight back a few tears myself.

Almost every night the last thing I say to her is, "Goodnight my little princess, I love you." She was upset because I had said, "Goodnight my little lion" instead of princess. I opened the door, told her how sorry I was and told her how she'd always be my little princess. She felt better, but was still kind of shaken up. I gave all her animals a kiss and ended with a big kiss for her and once again said, "Goodnight my little princess, I love you." 

At the end of every day I go to bed feeling so overwhelmingly grateful for the chance to be a mom.  These two kids make my life great. I'm still looking forward to more sleep and I really don't like nursing all that much. We certainly have hard days that I think will never end. I'm excited for when they're all at school and I have the house to myself, or when they move out and Jeremy and I get to travel the world together, but I'm loving this stage of life. I really am happy. Happy to be tucking in a little princess and prince each night. Happy to be needed and loved.

boobs: and all Madeline has to say about them

It's a terribly cold wintry day and except for a little frolicking in the snow we've felt pretty cooped up today. So why not lighten things up with a slightly inappropriate (maybe it depends on who you ask?) conversation. 

Boobs has seemed to be the buzz word at our house the past few days. Madeline has managed to work it into several conversations both accidentally and on purpose.

Sunday morning I wasn't feeling great. I'd had a very clogged duct and probably a little mastitis for several previous days so between getting over that and having a little bit of an emotion melt down I was  kind of a mess. I was sitting on the bed sobbing when sweet, sincere Madeline came up to me with what must have been all the serious sincerity she had in her and said (with a touch of dramatic facial expression),"Mommy... your boobs hurt?" Needless to say I felt a bit better after we had a good laugh about that. It's amazing the things she picks up on! I keep forgetting she takes in everything we say...

Then yesterday morning as I was getting dressed, she snatched a bra from my hands and said, "No, no I wear the boobs, mommy."  Not yet, love. Enjoy it while you still can :)

And finally, this morning as we were getting ready to go outside and play in the snow she kept talking about boots, but as you might guess it sounds a lot more like 'boobs' than 'boots'.  So it was, "Daddy you found your boobs!" "Where did my boobs go?" "I found my boobs!" "Daddy put his boobs on?" 

Oh miss Madeline we love you! You bring so much joy and laughter into our home. Life is so much better having you around :)