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happy anniversary

Sometimes I just really want to be alone. An hour, a day, sometimes I wish for more like a month...  But then I think about what life would be like with no one.

No one to share the load of dishes, laundry, cleaning and taking care of the kids.

No one to pick up the slack when you just can't.

No one to run to the store for saltines and seven-up when you're sick.

No shoulder to cry into at the end of a long day.

No one to warm the sheets on your side of the bed in the dead of winter.

No one to share good news with.

No one to share hopes and dreams with.

No one to put before yourself.

There is no doubt in my mind that a loving God orchestrated His plan around couples, a man and a woman, who love and respect one another. Thinking of life without this guy makes me sad. Because while life would still good and worth living, I don't think it would ever feel complete. 

I'm eternally grateful for a husband who is good and kind, who works hard and puts others first. Seriously, this guy spent his two days off last week doing laundry and cleaning the kitchen because I was in a funk. He dried my tears about non-sensical stresses of life before falling asleep last night. He'll always have my back and he'll never stop believing in me.

Dear Jeremy, I love you. Thanks for the best four years of my life. I'm looking forward to another forty and beyond.

As a side, after four years I think we've finally figured out the whole anniversary thing. Think low expectations. No cards, gifts or grandiose celebrations. It's not our wedding day. It's an extra special day, once a year, to remember a sacred event that happened once upon a time.

big changes coming soon!

I've been working on a project for quite some time now. It's new and it's fresh and most importantly it's ME! The days of 'The Scratch Pad' are coming to a close, but bigger and better things are coming :) I can't wait to share more with you later in the week!

since it's almost Christmas...

...I thought I should share the last picture from our Thanksgiving trip to Florida ;)

tiny engineer

Earlier today I posted a picture to instagram of Luke sitting on the couch, watching the train around our tree. He literally sat there, still as a stone, for three minutes. I couldn't believe it.

Soon after I posted the picture, Madeline stopped the train and absentmindedly left the remote on the floor. Let me assure you that Luke is not one for passing up opportunities. I watched him carefully lower himself from his seat on the couch and walk most of the way to the control. He sat down (in the dreaded 'w' position I can't seem to get him to stop), pushed the go button and again watched the train circle the tree. 

It was magical watching his face full of wonder and glowing from the light of the tree. His eyes shifted from the controller to the train. Back and forth, back and forth. I thought the moment would last forever...

But as you know, curiosity always gets the best of little boys. Eventually he derailed the train and the moment was gone. A rather large baby tantrum ensued as I put the control away and the rest of our day was anything but magical.

I'm grateful, though, for this brief break in my day, that let me appreciate my little boy who's growing up all too quickly. Grateful to be able to look at these pictures, even now, and think, "Hey, today wasn't so bad after all. Perhaps I can do it again tomorrow." 

I think we'll remember what we want from our lives, when we look back someday. I hope I don't forget that this stage of life is hard. There's been an awful lot of Christmas cookie eating and ugly crying though Christmas movies lately because I'm just so dang stressed! And I don't know why. Well I do, but I don't, ya know? 

When I look back on my life, though, I hope I remember that life was good. Because life IS good. It's great. It's full of magic moments between the mundane. Moments we'll miss if we aren't paying attention.

Moments like watching a tiny engineer under a Christmas tree.

baltimore family photographer - clive family

Not gonna lie, when Makena told me they wanted to include their cat Copernicus in their family pictures, it took me off guard for a minute. I'd met the little guy before and he's precious, but I'm not one of those people who was given the gift of being a natural animal lover. Of course I've seen dogs in family pictures, but not cats. So I wasn't sure how it would all pan out. I am, however, totally game for whatever people want to do, so I said, "Of course! Let's do it!"

I had a dream the night before that Copernicus scaled a tree during the session, which resulted in us spending hours trying to find him/coax him down, but everything went quite smoothly and I'm glad he came. 

Geoff & Makena are such a beautiful couple, and it's been a treat getting to know them the past couple years. 

Thanks Clives (and of course Copernicus)!

baltimore family photographer travels - holloway family

^^ They wanted a Christmas card picture of their family on the

beach in santa hats. How cute are they?! ^^

^^What a champ big brother is. FIVE younger sisters.^^

^^ Little miracle baby. I believe she's just six weeks old here. So precious.^^ 

While we were in Florida for Thanksgiving break (seen here, here, here, here & here) I thought it'd be a good challenge for me to photograph a family I don't know, in a place less familiar to me. The Holloways attend the same ward as Jeremy's parents so that's how we got connected. I'm so glad I got to know them a little and take some pictures for them. They are a wonderful family.

I learned a lot during this shoot. 

First of all, older kids are really good at holding still.  Or maybe not all kids are this great, but these kids were. And I liked it. 

Beach photography isn't exactly hard, but it does present a new set of challenges. I did, however, love being barefoot the whole time. I could get used to that ;)

There is a reason you only shoot during the golden hour. There's SO MUCH LIGHT! Especially on the beach. In our situation it wasn't going to happen any other time, so we made it happen. Bless their squinty eyes. Since then I've decided the few minutes after the sun sets would be more ideal because in most situations golden hour is when the sun is behind trees, buildings, etc. Maybe everyone else already knew this, or maybe I'm totally wrong. I'm still learning. No shame.

And I think the last lesson I learned was to try not to freak out when your camera does something you've never seen before. I got all eight of them lined up and posed for the first picture and went to take it (everything was working literally a minute before) and all of a sudden: nothing. Just a couple letters flashing. All I can say is thank goodness for dads. And husbands who think to call dad. And patient families.

I'm really really glad we got together and that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. It definitely paid off. 

Thanks Holloways!